Anxiety/Left Out

I'm having a lot of anxiety and I feel it turning to depression about feeling avoided or left out. I feel really alone in this world and I know I'm not the only one. I can't be.

Maybe I require more attention than I thought I did but it's hard when you're at home, alone, all day, almost every day without human interaction. You get inside your head too much. It's like being paranoid and abandoned all at once, just waiting on history to repeat itself.

But in reality, if you know someone you love is in that position, wouldn't you want to make sure they're ok? I don't think it's an imposition to send a text saying hey. Do people really just care that little about one another?

I'm sure I'm exaggerating, or maybe I'm not. I don't know.

Not a Priority

I definitely battle with abandonment. My dad left for good when i was 2. I didn't officially meet him until i was 23. My adopted dad left too. Every best friend or great love i have ever had has left me either for a long period of time or permanently.  Ive been told im too sick for people or i dont fit in to their lives. Friends of 15yrs and 22yrs have told me this.

I feel expendable. I'm no one's 1st choice. I'm fine to be around if there's nothing else to do. And if they don't see a need for me, it's nothing to them to toss me to the side. I feel unimportant. Ultimately, i feel alone. And i think it's why i distance myself emotionally from everyone and isolate myself. Because i know they'll just hurt me in the end.

My antidepressants

These kitties know when im having a bad day and love to cuddle!

Bad day

I'm having a rough past couple of days. The thing is, i dont know why. I have this very overwhelmed feeling. This week has been busier than usual for me and i have had to be around people (friends, strangers at the store) several times this week and i feel like i need to detox from people.

I can't really explain how I feel. I'm overwhelmed, depressed, anxious and irritated by everything. I mean EVERYTHING! I drop a pen, im irritated and cursing the world. I don't think i can explain how i feel because I dont actually KNOW how i feel. I definitely don't know why or what is causing it.

I just need a break from life. Like a sleeping curse (im a Disney fan) for like a week lol

PTSD Intro Poem

Surrounded by people, still all alone

I feel nothing but i feel everything at once

A desire to be with others, but dreading being around anyone else

Escaped but not free. Still living under his hold on me. If that's what you call living.
This. This is my PTSD story.